I’m As Big As…? Celebrity Heightslunchbox
The Hunt for Celebrity Heights
Here at www.giftlab.co.uk we love the I’m As Big As Height Chart. It provides hours of entertainment in the Office as we grab anyone who walks through our door, pin them up against the wall and then laugh hysterically at them for being the size of a moustache. But… well… no one’s been to visit us for a while (except an old lady who wanted to pick up her order in person but we felt bad pinning her against the wall) and there’s only so many times we can measure each other while standing on different objects (FYI The Prof is A giant panda sitting down with no shoes on, he’s Elvis when standing on a box full of Floating Chain Wine Bottle Holders, an adult Male Gorilla when the box breaks from the weight, and when he stands on his head he’s a Giant… work that one out?!) so I’ve made it my mission to put the chart to good use.
I vow that throughout this blog I will track down as many celebrities as I can, hold a tape measure to their head, take a quick picture and then leg it before they work out what’s going on. I come up with a plan of action… I’ll start off by hunting down the Z-Listers and I’ll end up measuring an A-Lister. How hard can it be? They’re only people after all. I begin to change the places I hang out. Gone are my night’s in with a Chinese takeaway and a bit of EastEnders. Instead I’m dressing up and heading to Hoxton, isn’t that where they all hang out? It must be because immediately I’m faced with my first challenge: Agyness Deyn, singing with her band Five O’Clock Heroes (who even knew she could sing?) I’m a bit nervous and approach her timidly but immediately she’s friendly and chatty. I hold out the tape measure, take the picture and wander off. It’s over in seconds but I’ve managed it and I’ve discovered she’s really quite small for a supermodel.
According to our I’m As Big As Height Chart Agyness Deyn is the same size as… drum roll please… Péle! What a lucky man he is! (Don’t worry about the bloke the other side of me, I’m not even sure who he is?!) Z List celebrity. Check. It’s time to make things more exciting. No sooner have I walked away from Agyness but who do I see? It’s only Kevin Sacre (he plays Jake in Hollyoaks). Ok so he’s another Z-lister but his girlfriend’s on Strictly Come Dancing so that improves his status slightly (or does it?)
He’s happy to pose for a photo and laughs in delight when I inform him he is in fact the same size as A Chinese Terracotta Army Soldier. Well who knew?! He’s slightly happier than the next celebrity I manage to track down.
Adam Garcia seems to take offence to being the same size as Tutankhamun… and there we were thinking it was a compliment. Some people are never satisfied. Except, hold on, here comes Sharleen Spiteri. Surely she’s at least C-List. I have a quick chat with her about her music (everyone loves a bit of Texas don’t they?) then it’s time to take her measurement.
She’s pretty impressed to be the same size as the Olympic Standing High Jump Record. I would be too… I could never do high jump. I roll up the tape measure, collect my camera and move on. I don’t even pay much attention as I gather up some more C-Listers.
AJ McLean from Backstreet Boys for example – same height as Einstein.
Zac Efron from High School Musical – same height as A supermodel (average).
George Sampson from Britain’s Got Talent – The average height for a British woman (but we’ll let him off that one because he’s still growing). I’m fairly happy with my progress so far. Who’d have thought I’d manage to measure and get photos of so many people of celebrity status. I’d be happy to give up except I’m pretty sure there isn’t an A-Lister in sight and that’s what I promised. Feeling dejected as my searches across London don’t come to fruition I decide to rope in some friends for one last search. We scour the City high and low, covering posh restaurants, exclusive clubs and classy hotels, desperate for someone, anyone to help me with my task. What is it they say about buses? You wait for hours then three come along at once? They’re right. I leave you with….